Hello Dear Readers,
Some people watched Sex and the City for the clothes. Others enjoyed an inside view at life in a glamorous city. And still others (I’m talking to you, guys) undoubtedly were drawn to the no holds barred depictions of sex. I was in it for the friendship.
That four women from completely different walks of life, with completely different interests and morals, would form such a close bond was a bigger fantasy than Carrie being able to afford multiple pairs of $800 shoes on a freelance writer’s salary.
Though I knew it was a fantasy, I envied the easy closeness that Carrie shared with Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte. No matter what else was going on in these busy women’s lives, they still managed to meet for brunch every weekend. And even more incredible, their friendships survived huge blow-ups and nasty fights. Remember all the times Miranda got frustrated with Carrie’s on-again, off-again relationship with Big and told her she was being a fool? Or the time Carrie walked in on a private moment with Samantha and the UPS guy and turned a tad judgmental? They even dated each other’s exes and managed to escape with their friendship unscathed. This gold-star depiction of female friendship was well worth idolizing…and envying.
However, in my experience, it’s been very different. At various times in my life, I’ve been part of a group of female friends, but none of these groups enjoyed the easy camaraderie of Carrie’s foursome. Someone was always left out (this happened a lot if it was a group of three). If one of the group couldn’t make it to an event or outing, the rest of the pack talked about her (and usually, not very nicely). These friendships never seemed to last, and we certainly had more in common than Carrie did with her friends. It was an unsettling feeling to know that you were being dissected behind your back (just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you).
Forming a group of like-minded female friends is as tricky and complicated as finding another couple to hang out with you and your significant other. It can take years to find two people that two other people like equally. With so many amazing people in the world, I have no idea why this is so difficult, but it seems to be.
Another fantastical aspect of Sex and the City is how the friends were able to patch up any argument or fight, no matter how severe. For myself, I’ve found having an issue with a female friend to be a very tricky problem to have, and unless it’s a huge detriment to the friendship, I tend to just let it go. When I have needed to bring an issue up, I’ve debated with myself for days over the best way to phrase it, the best way not to offend. And I’ve failed miserably, every time. I can count the number of girlfriends who’ve survived an issue or some kind of dispute with me on one hand with a few fingers missing. And it’s sad, because in most cases, the issues were not worth losing the friendship over. They were worth bringing up and resolving, but not worth killing the bond over. However, over time I’ve come to realize that if the friendship was meant to be–or strong enough–we’d still be friends and that silly dispute wouldn’t have changed things.
I loved the friendships on Sex and the City, and I wish real life was like that. Has it been for you, Dear Readers? Do you think that depiction of female friendship was accurate, or not?
Interestingly enough, the original novel by Candace Bushnell does not focus on the friendships between the women in the same way the TV series did. Perhaps she was afraid her novel would get categorized as fantasy. 😉