Hello Dear Readers,

I’ve made the first cut of the fight camp. This is what I’ve wanted for so long, and trained so hard for. Basically, this spot in the camp is now mine to lose. How I train this month will determine whether or not I make the final cut.

How does it feel? Well, of course I was elated to hear the news–my dojo’s fight camps are very difficult to get into, unless you have a lot of experience, and many people apply for each one that comes up. It’s a fierce competition on its own. But I’m also scared. There was a moment when I thought, “Do I really want to do this?” I was relieved to hear that I’m not the only one who feels this way. Strength in numbers, after all.

In preparation for the camp, I worked on aggressive sparring with our club’s best fighter yesterday. We’re going to be doing this every week. It’s frustrating how much of my training goes out the window when I’m fighting this guy: I don’t block, half the time I forget to counter, I don’t move, and my arms feel like limp noodles. Meanwhile, whenever he throws a kick, it feels like getting hit by a tree trunk–he throws his entire body in each one. I got a pretty good charley horse in my left thigh from a kick last night, and I can still feel it. However, if I’d blocked that kick–which I know how to do–it wouldn’t have hurt nearly as much, if at all, and I could have sparred for much longer.

Intellectually, I know that I’m getting better all the time–even when it doesn’t feel like it. But it’s difficult not to be hard on myself about these stupid mistakes. All I can do is resolve to be better next week, to keep trying to think of each sparring match as an actual fight.

There are two types of people in the world: those who prefer to remain in their comfort zone, and those who are always pushing beyond it. I’m always forcing myself to do things that scare me, and I have a feeling there’s going to be some scary weeks ahead. Sometimes I wonder why I do this to myself, when I could be going for nice, leisurely walks and then spending a quiet evening at home with The Boy. But then I see an amazing fighter, and I know that’s what I want to be.