I almost shouldn’t post today. I wanted this blog to be a consistently cheerful, positive place about following your dreams and living a life full of adventure and excitement. But maybe that’s not realistic. Sometimes life is hard. Even when you consistently try your best, sometimes you get kicked in the teeth and want nothing better than to crawl back into bed.
I know I shouldn’t complain. I have a job that pays decently, where I occasionally get to do creative things. For the most part, I work with amazing, supportive people. I have a dream and am working towards it, even though it feels like the littlest of baby steps right now. I’d love to find my way into The Zone again, where the words fly off my fingertips and I’m thoroughly entranced with the world I’m creating, line by line. But so far, it’s not happening. I have a good relationship, a warm home, two friendly cats, fine friends, and my health, for the most part. But still….
Self-sabotage is the name of the game. Things started to go downhill last night with my evening run. I set the treadmill levels at eight, and it was too much. Even worse, I didn’t have the fortitude to push through it and keep on going. I just quit. I could have really used Jillian Michaels screaming in my face at that point. The pad work didn’t go as well, either. The Boy wasn’t really in the mood, and we were both in kind of a weird place. Maybe it’s the weather. It’s been raining non-stop here for about three days, and it’s cold. Then my favorite contestant got sent home from The Biggest Loser ranch. I knew he wasn’t going to win, but it seems unfair to send him home because he lost weight too well.
Feeling depressed, bruised, and battered, I stayed up past midnight, and am paying for it today. I didn’t get up to write (surprise, surprise), so I’ll have to do my pages this evening, along with whatever workout I can manage, because I’m getting pretty sore. My cardio was better for the pads yesterday, but definitely not for the run. Can’t imagine being able to run 5K by the 16th and not embarrass myself, but we’re registered for the event so there’s no turning back.
These are the days when it seems like nothing will ever change; I will forever be stuck at a desk all day doing menial tasks, feeling like no one cares whether I’m here or not. Since this is a particularly dreary day, I thought it might be a good idea to share a few of my favorite things.
- Cuddling with my cats on a rainy day
- Bear hugs
- Fresh cherries, crisp and sweet
- Walking in the ocean with the feel of soft sand beneath my feet and waves crashing against my legs
- A warm bath and a good book
- Thunderstorms (if I’m indoors)
- New magazines
- Slow dancing to a song that is both unbearably beautiful and sad
- Melted sharp cheddar on crackers
- Toasting anything over a campfire
If anyone is actually reading this, and I’m not really sure anyone is, feel free to share your favorite things. I’d love to hear about them.
To bed at: 12:30
Awake at: 8:30
Novel pages written: 0