Last week did not end on a good note. As you can no doubt tell from my previous post, I’ve been having some issues with blogging. I was not in a great place, so I was extra sensitive and questioning my worth. It was the worst possible time for someone to post a cruel, hateful diatribe aimed at me, but it happened. And I did not take it well. Looking back now, I took it far too seriously and let it effect me far too much.
I can exercise when I’m in a bad mood. I may not run as fast or hit as hard as when I’m feeling positive, but I can get through a class. When it gets tricky is when I have to spar. Some of you may think that I could use this to my advantage–that I could channel my negativity into anger and use it to make me strong. But it never works out that way.
On Friday, I was sad. I felt defeated. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and bawl, and I definitely did not feel like getting kicked or punched. Or getting a bunch of unsolicited advice. I was not in the mood for any of it.
Thankfully, a good friend partnered with me for the first class, which was a challenging cardio and strength workout. I got through it fine, and then it was time for sparring. I was partnered with three women who I’ve been told are more experienced than I am. And I didn’t cower. I didn’t cry. I didn’t let them pummel me. It certainly wasn’t my best performance, but I got through it. I survived. I learned that I can spar when I’m feeling weak and lousy, and not let it defeat me. I was still happy when it was over, but at least I got through it.
Another nasty side effect from that emotional stress and all this training is a pervasive heat rash on my legs and arms that began on Friday evening and got progressively worse through the weekend. I went to the doctor on Saturday and came away with two prescriptions. I’m supposed to let my legs heal before I do anything that will make me sweat again–perfect timing, as you can imagine! I medicated myself and suffered through the itching to watch a boxing coach and an old friend from Sik Tai fight in the latest Canadian Fighting Championship. Unfortunately, both fighters lost their matches and one retired. It’s hard to see someone you care about lose a fight, especially when you know how hard they train, and how much passion they have for the sport.
But tomorrow is a new day, and I hope to resume my training from a place of strength and optimism.