Last week did not end on a good note. As you can no doubt tell from my previous post, I’ve been having some issues with blogging. I was not in a great place, so I was extra sensitive and questioning my worth. It was the worst possible time for someone to post a cruel, hateful diatribe aimed at me, but it happened. And I did not take it well. Looking back now, I took it far too seriously and let it effect me far too much.
I can exercise when I’m in a bad mood. I may not run as fast or hit as hard as when I’m feeling positive, but I can get through a class. When it gets tricky is when I have to spar. Some of you may think that I could use this to my advantage–that I could channel my negativity into anger and use it to make me strong. But it never works out that way.
On Friday, I was sad. I felt defeated. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and bawl, and I definitely did not feel like getting kicked or punched. Or getting a bunch of unsolicited advice. I was not in the mood for any of it.
Thankfully, a good friend partnered with me for the first class, which was a challenging cardio and strength workout. I got through it fine, and then it was time for sparring. I was partnered with three women who I’ve been told are more experienced than I am. And I didn’t cower. I didn’t cry. I didn’t let them pummel me. It certainly wasn’t my best performance, but I got through it. I survived. I learned that I can spar when I’m feeling weak and lousy, and not let it defeat me. I was still happy when it was over, but at least I got through it.
Another nasty side effect from that emotional stress and all this training is a pervasive heat rash on my legs and arms that began on Friday evening and got progressively worse through the weekend. I went to the doctor on Saturday and came away with two prescriptions. I’m supposed to let my legs heal before I do anything that will make me sweat again–perfect timing, as you can imagine! I medicated myself and suffered through the itching to watch a boxing coach and an old friend from Sik Tai fight in the latest Canadian Fighting Championship. Unfortunately, both fighters lost their matches and one retired. It’s hard to see someone you care about lose a fight, especially when you know how hard they train, and how much passion they have for the sport.
But tomorrow is a new day, and I hope to resume my training from a place of strength and optimism.
I hope.
Hi Holly,
It was nice to see that you persevered and reflected on all the events that have come your way. I like how you took a lesson from Friday….you can still still spar when you are feeling weak and lousy and not get defeated.
Hope your legs are healing and that your week goes better.
Hope you are all healed up soon. Fight camp just wasn’t the same with out you.
Hope you feel better tomorrow. *hugs*
Holli;
hope you heal up soon…
And way to bounce back emotionally! It is hard enough to find strength on our worst days with out negative nancys out there “trying” to help.
Having negative words in our ears(and ringing around in our heads) is like someone coming along drilling holes in your boat(kind of ruins the fishing trip so to speak). So good on you for moving on past Friday and ready to start a new week.
Keep it up; ignore the wannabes and doubters that have never tried nor ever stood in your footsteps and surround yourself with everyone else who cares about you and your goals.
And Btw how did Olivia Gerula fight go. I think she had a fight over seas recently didn’t she? I couldn’t find the blog post ( no time before getting back to work) But none the less let us know; i know i was curious.
Thanks again!
-Grant
Holli – you are a fighter both in your physical life and in your writing life. Don’t ever give up! You keep going girl, and don’t let them get you down.
Thanks, everyone, for your comments and kind words. This was a tough day to write about–sometimes I worry about being too much of a downer, but I also don’t want to sugarcoat the process.
@ Grant: Unfortunately, Olivia’s was another fight that did not go well. She lost by unanimous decision. I haven’t talked to her about it in person yet, but she referred to it as “a mess” and said she felt her opponent did deserve to win this time.
Thanks to everyone who wished me well. Hopefully I’ll be able to return to training tomorrow.
So do you think the rash was stress? And I agree, nice reflection and way to get back on the horse. I missed the “troll’s” comments but I am sure they were nasty and hurtful.
I have this nack for being numb to mini traumas in my life and thinking I’m fine and then blowing up later and not knowing really why. It’s kinda annoying actually. But it is amazing how deeply a series of mini negatives can get you and manefest themselves physically.
Keep on fighting.
Thanks for your comment, Kim. I think the rash was due to getting lazy and not changing into dry clothes for the ride home after training, but I do think getting upset gave it the opportunity to take more of a toll.
I tend to get too upset about little things at times, but on the flipside, I’m exceptionally calm and level-headed during a real crisis. So it all balances out!
Han – your comment appeared to be spam, as it had nothing to do with the original post. If it wasn’t spam, my apologies. You can send me an email at barelylucid@hotmail.com and I will repost it for you.